Dear Erika,

I am having problems at home and it is affecting my flag line participation. My  mom is always yelling at me and it seems like she never yells at my two older brothers. Every time I try to have a normal conversation with her I seem to say something wrong. To top it all off people at school are calling me out of my name and none of the teachers seem to care. Every time I set foot in the school or at home it seems to go wrong. What should I do? I go to the park and take a walk to calm down but it never seems to work. I try to talk to my closest friend about it but she doesn’t seem to know what to do because  she is close to everybody she meets. My dad doesn’t understand what I am going through and I never have anyone to talk to. Please help me with my problems!

- Lost In Ohio

Ugh. Life just sucks when you feel like you can’t do anything right. What’s with everyone name calling and getting down on you? Before I get into anything else, I want to commend you for trying to clear your head by walking and trying to confide in your bestie who doesn’t quite get where you’re coming from. That you’re trying to make the situation better is awesome. Here are some other things you can try to lift all the negativity from your life.

First, you’re going  to have to gain a little perspective. While things seem awful and that everyone is against you, the reality is it’s probably not as impossible as it seems. Let’s take your mom situation, for example. Of course it seems like your mom is yelling at you more than your bothers–you are at the receiving end of 100% of the bad mojo your mom is throwing your way. But you don’t see everything that goes on between your mom and your brothers, so kill the comparisons–when it comes to siblings comparing  rarely help at all.

Now the next step is a bit of a revelation: Even though you feel like you have no one to talk to about this stuff, you actually do–and get this–that person to talk to is your mother. Now I know that confiding in what seems to be the enemy sounds counter intuitive, if not totally weird.  And you might have to Jedi mind trick yourself to pull this off. BUT if done compassionately, talking to your mom will help fix many of your problems.

Here’s how to do it: Find a time to talk with her when she’s not stressed or doing a thousand different things. (Like if she’s cooking dinner and replying to emails? Don’t try to talk to her then. Wait until she’s reading a magazine or watching random TV.) When you have her undivided attention, tell her exactly what’s on your mind. Tell her that you feel like you can’t do anything right with her. Tell her you feel like you’re getting yelled at a lot and that it’s worrying you, stressing you out and effecting your performance at school. Don’t be whiny or mean about it–just tell her how you feel and that you want to be able to communicate with her without yelling. It’s very likely that all this static isn’t intentional and that she’ll tell you so much in your chat. Showing your mom that you care about your relationship and want to have an adult conversation about it will help get things back on track.

Once you clear things up with your mom, you’ll find that you have an excellent confidant in her. Tell her what’s going on in school. Believe it or not, she probably went through some of the same stuff that you’re going through and she probably can help you deal with it all. Even if she just lightens up on you at home, that will help you deal no doubt. So get your mom back on your team–it’ll make your life easier and give you someone to confide in!