Dear Erika,

This guy I like is really cute and stuff but I’m afraid that he might be still in love with his ex. They almost had a baby together but she ended up loosing the baby and then the were together for 2 years after that. Every time i talk to him he always talks about her and it frustrates me. What should I do? And how should I make him stop talking about her?

Whoa. This guy has got a *huge* history with his ex. They were together for years, they almost had a kid together, and they went through a really traumatic and heavy experience together too. No matter how you slice it, this guy had a tight connection with his former flame and there’s not much you can do to take that away from him.

The fact that your crush talks incessantly about his ex shows that he’s not over her. No matter what, it takes time to get over breakups. And if this guy isn’t done thinking that his ex is the one for him, (and here’s the gnarly part) you should run the other direction. Here’s why: If you are sinking time and emotions into getting to know him better and meanwhile, he’s taking your cool energy and attention and using it to remind him of her, then you aren’t setting yourself up for a relationship in which you get the attention you deserve. And that just shortchanges yourself majorly.

It’s not that he’s doing this intentionally or probably even consciously. And this irritating pattern doesn’t even make him a bad guy. It’s just that he’s at his capacity to give emotion and attention to anyone until he gets over his ex. And there’s nothing you can do to snap him out of this–it’s something he’s going to have to arrive at on his own. Sucky.

So try to find another cute and emotionally available guy out there to bless with your awesome presence. That’s the only way you’ll get as much attention, affection and respect as you give.

heart,

erika

**Need Advice? Contact me [erika stalder at gmail dot com] and Handle the Scandal!